Online dating

Understanding The Black Flirting And Dating Culture

  • Post By Hema
  • |
  • Jul 21, 2020

Are you a white person interested in a black person or vice versa? Or are you already in an interracial relationship? Interracial couples are the best! They show that love doesn’t care about skin color or any ethnicity. But there’s a catch! The diversity of the culture can create problems between an interracial couple in terms of flirting and dating. Lacking knowledge about cultural backgrounds, misunderstanding certain notions, being insensitive to your partner’s ethnicity, etc can be deal breakers for your relationship. A black person is often misunderstood by other races when it comes to dating.

Black dating/flirting culture is different as compared to white or any other culture. If you belong to a different culture, understanding how black people date maybe a little different. There are a few differences that can create miscommunication between cultures because of differences in the flirting and dating culture. Many things that may hurt or offend a person while dating people of another culture. You need to know what is appropriate and what is not when it comes to flirting or dating. Let’s see how we can understand more about Black dating.


Understanding the Black Dating Culture

The marriage rate of black Africans is quite low compared to White Americans. This is because of the mismatch between the number of eligible men and women. The economical prospect is one of the underlying causes of this issue. A larger segment of black men are connected to the prison system, struggling with jobs that don’t pay them well, hence there aren’t many eligible men left. If you are an educated person who is searching for a Black partner with equal or high education standards, you are most likely to be disappointed as the pool of such men is very low.


Flirting and Intimacy

In black flirting, meaning what you say is important. Black people especially men are pretty expressive with their feelings, they don’t play or indulge in games. They slowly escalate the intimacy level with their charming words and expression. White people can be a little inert when it comes to expressing their feelings and interest. When it comes to showing interest, Black people will let you know what their intentions are at a very early stage of the relationship. They would also expect and appreciate the same treatment from you. They hate the idea of being led on because why would anybody show interest in someone if they aren’t ready to take it seriously? 

You would find them approaching you at the street or the club, etc. While you might feel a little apprehensive about the fact that they have the audacity to approach you anywhere, they don’t mean to be disrespectful. It’s just if they like you they’d make a move to let you know what they are thinking about you, they also want to know what you think of them. This might seem a little fast-forward compared to white people’s liking but that’s how it works for an African American man. Don’t be surprised if he tries to woo you with his blunt statements or romantic poems.

Black women like their counterparts don’t like to play or to play mind games. They keep things simple. Unlike white women, most of the black women tend to ask guys out if they find them interesting. They just don’t wait for the men to approach them. While this attitude is very brave and endearing, not all men can digest it. I am not saying that it’s bad to approach a guy, what I am saying is, many white guys confuse being asked out with being friendly.


Handling Rejection

Once you have been asked out by him, you now have options. You can keep talking to him and find out if you find him interesting or not. If you aren’t interested in him, just politely thanking him and telling him the truth will give him the hint not to push things with you any further. Note that it may hurt his feelings and he might consider this as being disrespectful but any black guy understands that it’s a girl’s right to say no. So, he wouldn’t be pissed at you at all. 

But if you aren’t stating your intentions clearly and still being flirtatious when you don’t have the heart to take it to a deeper level this might cause problems. It’s either black or white for a black guy, there are no shades of grey in between. Either you like him or you don’t. Black people don’t indulge in things or relationships that are meaningless. In Black Culture, a woman is not expected to say yes to something they are not interested in. They can speak their minds without being pressured.



Consent of an individual is necessary for all cultures whether White, Brown or Black. In the black community, rejection is rarely seen as a problem. They respect your rejection if done respectfully. They rarely seem pushy or clingy because they understand that it will make you feel offended. In white culture, things are a little different. There are a lot of dynamics happening in one take. For example, you are seeing someone and you want a relationship with that guy. The guy also likes you back but doesn’t want to pursue a relationship. So he opts out by saying “relationship isn’t his thing”. And there are these confusions where they aren’t expressive, trying to jump to a relationship too fast, blah blah blah. Not saying that all white populations are the same but many white people do that. White women are open about their feelings these days which is a good sign. They also appreciate if someone is being honest with their feelings.

In a nutshell, consent for any gender or ethnicity is a significant thing of flirting and dating. Black men and women respect the opinion of the person of interest and like them to be open about their feelings. Black people don’t even mind if someone approaches them first because it means that the person who is approaching them is expressive about their intentions and being completely honest. However, white people, mainly men are the ones who make the first move most of the time. This may explain why they get all confused and uncomfortable if a girl asks them out. White women like to be asked out although they do approach when they want.


The Black Community and Online Dating

Date Black American Singles

A recent report from Packaged Facts has shown that 6 out of 10 Black Americans are still unmarried. This can cause problems for the Black people as according to other research, most Black Americans believe in marriages. So, is online dating a solution for the men and women who are flying solo? For most people, dating sites and dating apps seem to be the answer. These online dating platforms are allowing people to date black American singles. Some black singles are forcing themselves out of their comfort zones and trying to embrace online dating more. 

Not only online platforms, but African American singles are also trying innovative approaches to meet and date people, for example, speed-dating services. One such speed-dating service is Flow Dating. The founder of Flow Dating PaulCarrick Bruson started his service where black people meet and engage in mini-dates. This gives them time to bond and find love. According to Brunson, African-Americans shy away from seeing a relationship coach or talking to a professional matchmaker.

“There’s a strong reception now and there are a couple of reasons why. Every ethnicity is obsessed with relationships. We all have the drive to love and relationships are an integral part of our lives. (African-Americans) are now embracing new strategies because of all the dialogue around relationships,” said Bruson.

In conclusion, dating a person with black ethnicity sounds and is very difficult. When you date someone out of your ethnicity you need to keep in mind that both of you need to adapt to changes and compromise. While a white person might find a black person’s approach a little aggressive and overt, this doesn’t mean the person has any ill intention. Similarly, a black person might find a white person slightly orthodox and uptight but that’s just how white tradition and cultures work, you can’t expect people of a different race to share some thoughts and qualities as you.

With that being said, neither all Blacks are aggressive (in a good way) nor all Whites are uptight. Some people are breaking the stereotypes and are doing what they are comfortable with. This means, white people, especially men, are more open to being approached by a girl regardless of race and black people are trying to be more polite yet expressive to someone they approach. So, go ahead and have fun dating people of different ethnicities and cultures without being too fearful or uptight. At the end of the day, you will get to learn a lot about the people and the beauty of their heritage.

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